Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
