I can't breathe out the right side of my face
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
