if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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