Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
