i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
