Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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