i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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