Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
