Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
