I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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