I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Randomize
