Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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