I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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