I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
