I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
