Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
