eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
