If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
