If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
