my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Farmville is her only friend.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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