Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
