Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
