Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
