Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
