Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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