I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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