The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
