I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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