and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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