update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
