We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
