You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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