That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
