the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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