I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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