Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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