community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
