I wish i was in the wii world.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
