I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
