You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
