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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Becoming a productive member of society?

  (509): View more from Washington

  Sam. Come on.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever

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• (512): View more from Texas

  just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...

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