I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
