I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i've created a new STD.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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