Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
