just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
