I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
