Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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