He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
