You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
