foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
