so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
