It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
