you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
